The Fight to Wipe

Potty training should be on my mind heavier than it actually is. The Deetz turns 3 in a couple months so it is time for him to start earning his keep and give up the $30 a month diaper habit. But truth be told, because of past experience, I'm not in that big of a hurry. Now mind you, my experience in the potty training dept is only with boys and I realize that girls are probably a whole different subject. But other than the extra $30 a month, that's all I'm gaining from them hitting that milestone. The leash in fact becomes tighter, as every excursion from the house becomes a crap shot- we never know when and where "emergency" is gonna strike and how we're gonna shuffle a crew to an appropriate pooping spot in time. Potties are easy... side of the road and for the more desperate {and these days, the not-even-desperate-at-all} situations, we have the Hansen custom port-a-potty....a water bottle. But the pooping often puts us in a pickle.

And even when it doesn't put us in a pickle, it still requires me to be by their side within a reasonable amount of time {is 30 minutes reasonable?} Because I bring only one rule with me to potty-training.....don't even think about wiping your bum. Like don't even take too long of a glance at the TP. Not a chance. Hands off the roll. The thought of them spreading the brown stuff all over their bum, pulling their cute little GAP boxers up all proud and thinking they're good to go, all the while leaving me large amounts of surprises for later...nope, it causes me too much anxiety to reward this privilege right off the bat. That's an earned step.The kids do earn other privileges with potty training such as opening and closing the lid and flushing the toilet- appreciated responsibility for a 2 year old. But wiping yourself.....we'll revisit the subject in a year of so. It can get a bit touchy when they start feeling like they're responsible and independent and ready to try. And yet, I'm still yelling from upstairs, "Don't even think about it.... I'll be down in a minute." It becomes a fight...the fight to wipe.

My big boys have graduated and are self-wipers, which to me, is the real accomplishment. While this sheds the leash, it doesn't completely relieve the anxiety because you know they're doing a horrid job, and their doo-doo kissed undies are proof of it. Case in point: The other day, Porter came to me and was all, "Mom, my booty hurts." At which point I was all, "Well, drop your drawers {is that how you write that?} and let me take a look." Now you can imagine the sight that met my eyes when he did as instructed. Right there in plain view was the cause of his booty pains....a nice layer of doo doo schmear. "Well of course your booty hurts. It's filthy, now jump in the shower and scrub it clean." That cute little boy's face lit up in a big ole smile and he didn't argue before getting in the shower. Medical issue solved.

I was out with friends the other day when a table behind us erupted in applause and screaming. I turned around to see what the ruckus was, and one of the mama's sat proud and beaming as she shared the good news...."My son wipes his own butt." And that, my friends, is the real milestone in potty training that deserves celebration. I didn't rain on her parade with warnings of lots of "fun laundry". But then again, I'm sure she won't be that shocked....she does have a husband after all.

Do tell...are girls better wipers? Do you let your boys wipe? Are there secrets for teaching clean wiping that I don't know about? DIVULGE it all!