{Hormone Therapy}

somewhere in Malibu

Well who wants to talk about hormones again? Remember this where I was whining about feeling all out of whack and that although I knew I was crazy I also knew there was something else making me crazy? And then remember here when I went to the doctor and she said I was leaning low on lots of hormones and put me on some herbal cocktail to try to jumpstart my hormone-making system again?
Well, I know you are just dying to know.... what has happened since.  Where am I now. Like any good show, we need the follow up.
So let's just start with this morning. Where all the kids synced up with my 6:30 alarm clock. The boys and babies alike. And before I had a chance to wake up, I was already on mom duty. And breakfast was cut short when Kaia threw an absolute fit because I wouldn't let her feed herself a blueberry yogurt on the couch. Ludicrous idea for me to put her in the high chair with a bib. And the boys were fighting and loud and on my nerves. And Kaia was still tantruming.
And me....I was consenting to let the bad atmosphere feed a bad mood and happy that Deeter had yet to spit in my face. 
Not my happiest morning. And I was pretty relieved that it happened to be a morning where I would be pawning off my children to a baby-sitter because of an "engagement". And somehow that engagement turned into sitting in the pre-school parking lot an extra 20 minutes. And taking the backroads to fill up my gas tank. Things that weren't my "engagement" at all.
That, plus a good walk and talk with a good friend, was all it took for me to recollect.
 And let me tell you the difference between now and pre-hormone intervention. Before, any one of those single events would have left me dying to peel myself out of bed or off the couch. And to be quite honest, my previous spirals may have been triggered by nothing at all. Except for a husband that loves me, kids that are healthy, and a roof over my head. Which are obviously things to lay on the couch and cry all day about.
Now at least I have semi-legit factors that make me feel sad. In a life that is intense and busy, I can handle a few bad moods here and there. I can handle not perfectly maintaining a happy attitude through every single trying incident.
It feels good to have a little more control back in my life and to not have to deal with irrational, tangible hormonal swings on top of "life."
But reality is still reality.  I am still a bit crazy, no cure for that. But would life be fun if we all weren't created with just a touch of crazy? I doubt it. My kids sill save their worst behavior for me and me alone. And typing this, I realize that I give them reciprocal respect. I am always quicker to get mad or snappy at them than I am with others.  My anxiety levels have dropped tons and I'm able to relax and enjoy life a little more. I'm more available for good moments. And speaking of moments, I'm learning to appreciate them and take them for what they are. I feel like I used to have good days and bad days. I feel like now if I used such broad terms for labeling.....everything would be labeled a bad day! That sounds a little bit pessimistic, but it's not really meant that way. In fact, quite the opposite.  If I were to let a single meltdown or a kid going off on me or a yelling battle determine the mood of the day, well....there would be no good days. Now I guess I kind of expect those interruptions as part of the day. And I actually hate those moments. But peppered in those downfalls are a lot of glistening moments. Where there is a funny joke or a sweet kiss or a good conversation. If I judged everything on a day-to-day basis, I would be sorely disappointed. I'm learning to focus on single moments.
My hormone help has turned me into neither the perfect mom nor the perfect wife. Nor perfect anything. And thankfully I'm a believer that this world isn't based on or designed for perfect. In tact there's a huge ole safety net that is instead designed for not perfect. It is built to reward us for doing the best we can.  And has got our back for whatever our "best" doesn't cover. Our kids don't have to be raised by perfect parents, and in turn they don't have to be perfect kids.  I have lowered my expectations for myself.
So that's where I am now! My hormone issues were definitely negatively affecting my life, so I'm a lot better off than I was before and a far cry from "cured"! You probably got more than you asked for in this post. And in case you were hoping for a laugh today, here I am thinking I'm looking all good with a big ole watermark on my shirt.

  You can't win em all! Never forget that! stalk AGNG: