Growing Up

I have these moments, that come very often these days, where I am caught in utter shock of my reality. Let me give you a for instance. We went to a water park and the big boys went off on their own with the only directives being to stay together and check in every now and then. The littles got busy exploring in the pool where my poolside lounger was closely situated. And I just sat there, relaxing. Did you catch that? I was at a water park RELAXING while my four kids played. I wasn't following anyone closely to intercept an impending drowning. I wasn't waiting in line with four kids for a ride only two of them would ride. I wasn't faking interest in the spray apparatus in the middle of the pool. I was relaxing.
And in these moments, I am keenly aware of them. They are not after-thoughts, rather real-time reality checks. In that same moment, I know exactly what this means…my babies are growing up. And then this feeling hits. It's an all-encompassing feeling and one I'm never quite sure what to do with. I mean, it fills me with wonderment and makes me feel sad as I feel time fleeting. But since it's fleeting, I want to enjoy it. But I don't quite know how to soak it all in.
It's weird. Living in the now is weird. Watching kids grow up is weird. Sitting in a moment- knowing you're going to soon lose and miss that moment- is weird.
Just another way that parenting isn't easy. It's so complex. In so many ways.